The First Week of School IEP Woes

Panic attacks.  I am having panic attacks.  Nightly.  About this school year.  Every. Damn. Night. (sorry, I don't usually swear but in this case it is warranted.  I hate panic attacks).  It started out at the end of the school year last year.  Franklin's last days of kindergarten.  There were meetings with the teacher to discuss what his first grade year would look like.  His teacher said she wanted to put him in inclusion for half the day and in structured the other half the day.  Sounds simple enough, except she wanted to put him in Kindergarten for his inclusion.  Right away I took issue with this.  Franklin has an insanely high IQ, I felt like him repeating kindergarten was not the right move.  Over and over again I let his teacher convince me to go with this plan because he is very small and she thought it would be good for him socially.  So, over the summer we've really been working hard on the social stuff and he has made ENORMOUS progress.  In addition, I studied the videos from school that were sent home at the end of the school year, and it showed how well Franklin was doing at school, how well he was focusing.  After watching those videos over and over and over again, I concluded he was able to do so well at school because of the structure, because he had the one on one attention and was in a classroom with a teacher who specializes in kids just like him.  The discomfort I had with the plan for this school year increased and I had multiple conversations with Dr. M, who agreed with me. So I sent Franklin's teacher an e-mail requesting an IEP review.   We had the meeting at a time when Dr. M could come, and David too.  Franklin's teacher asked me to send her an e-mail detailing what we would be discussing, so I did that and I also sent it to Dr. M.  When we got to the meeting, I explained what I wanted, and Franklin's teacher looked shocked.  Apparently she never received the e-mail.  I talked about how I didn't want Franklin to be in inclusion this year and yet again,  that I wanted him in only structured and to go to specials with first grade.  I am seriously frustrated.  I feel like despite my best efforts, I was made to look like a complete and utter crazy woman.  At one point, David even said he agreed with Franklin's teacher instead of me because I "obviously" misunderstood the intent of the plan.  Once I explained what I wanted, he went back to agreeing with me again.  However, I feel like I was shut down, yet again.  The more I think about it, the more anxious I get.  I really feel like I was being treated like "Oh, Elizabeth's just being overbearing, she'll get over it" and not being taken seriously.  In addition, now I feel like the teacher is avoiding me.  I've sent her e-mails and she hasn't responded to them.  Last school year she was always quick to respond.  So...it could be that she's got a lot less time this year...it could be that she's been working non stop to get ready for the school year and that the first week of school is hectic.  That's probably the reason.  But my overly anxious mind is going straight to avoidance.  It's convincing me that she is avoiding me because she's mad that I called the IEP meeting and she's ignoring me.  That probably isn't true, that's just what my anxiety it telling me.  And it is made worse because the last two days Franklin's been really anxious and upset.  He's been stimming like crazy, we've even seen the appearance of some of the more severe stimming that went away during the summer.  This morning when I went to get him up, he started crying and had a total meltdown.  His classroom was changed and it is causing him to be extremely upset.  There's not much that can be done about it, but it still breaks my heart to see him so upset and anxious.  I suffer from anxiety and I know how much it makes a person suffer.  I hate to see my precious child in such a state, which in turn is just causing my anxiety to skyrocket.  The fact that I feel like I was not taken seriously and just pacified, that my request to keep Franklin in all day structured completely shot down, is giving me panic attacks.  I know we're not locked into this arrangement, that we can adjust it as needed, that we are going to try and check in...but I still can't help feeling like the way I feel about the situation doesn't really matter to anyone.  And I am Franklin's mother.  I know him better than anyone, and yet I feel like nobody will listen to me.  And I can't sleep at night, I am having panic attacks, and I can't sleep...and I need to sleep because Baby N doesn't sleep and so when I have the opportunity I need to sleep.  For now I think I will just let things lie, see how things go, but it's hard when I have all these thoughts and feelings in my head.  As a teacher I was on the other side of this many, MANY times, as a parent, there is so much emotion involved. The last thing I want to do is to alienate Franklin's teacher or have a contentious relationship with her.  I really like her, she's an amazing teacher, she loves Franklin, and I truly believe she has his best interest at heart.  I don't believe she's trying to push her own agenda, I just think she really can't see the full picture of Franklin because he DOES SO WELL AT SCHOOL.  But that is a compliment to her, and the structure and environment she provides for him.  That is something I definitely struggle with at home.  I just wish I didn't feel so lousy right now.  Hopefully things will be ok because all I want is for Franklin to have success at school, and in life.  I just want him to be happy.  He is my child and I will always fight for him.
Enough rambling.  I need to go have a glass of wine.  Maybe that will help me calm down a little.  Wine...  Mmm...Good thing I have a nice bottle of syrah in the wine fridge.  Until next time friends...here's to all of you out there in Autismland fighting for your kids!  I raise my glass to you! I also raise my glass to all the teachers who are working with our kids and dealing with "crazy" Autism parents like me. You deserve a drink too!